Unveiling The Many Forms Of Sexual Harassment Disguised As Friendly Gestures

 

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Let's talk about a serious issue: sexual harassment.

Sexual harassment has been experienced by 17.1% of children aged 13-18 during their growth and development, as reported by United Nations Children’s Fund (UNICEF). Children may not always realize when they're experiencing sexual harassment, and societal norms can further confuse their understanding of what's acceptable. It's important to note that the trauma inflicted by sexual harassment can have long-lasting effects on a child's mental and physical health, so it's crucial to address these issues proactively.

We cannot afford to turn a blind eye to the alarming reality that sexual predators can often be someone we know and trust, including our relatives, friends, classmates, neighbors, or coworkers. I know this all so well because I have experienced this countless times. I was never educated on the many different forms of sexual harassment, which led me to dismiss my past offenders as just being "friendly". Despite my offenders' attempts to disguise their harassment as friendly, their actions left me feeling scared and harassed. I want to shed some light on certain situations that may seem like friendly approaches but are actually instances of sexual harassment, based on my personal experiences.

Unwelcomed hands

For some people, physical touch is an incredibly powerful way to express their feelings and emotions. Sure, a hug or a pat on the back might be harmless enough, but what about when someone you barely know suddenly puts their hands on your waist, arms, shoulders, or hips? Or grabbed your hands out of nowhere just to size them up or feel their texture? Even if they claim it's just a friendly gesture, it's still crossing a line and can make you feel uncomfortable.

Casual massage

Imagine the surge of discomfort you'd feel if a coworker or classmate suddenly puts their hands on your neck, back, or arms to give you a massage. It's not only inappropriate but can be downright disgusting and disturbing, especially if their hands come dangerously close to your chest or other intimate areas.

Tickling

Tickling might seem like a fun and harmless activity, but for some people, it may trigger a fear response that causes discomfort or even panic. This is especially true if it happens near your private parts. And to make matters even more complicated, tickling can activate nerve endings that are associated with sexual touch to some people, which can be distressing for those who don't want to feel sexually stimulated. 

Bottle Sipping

The idea of sharing a drink, straw, or utensil with someone you're crushing on may seem romantic to some, but for others, it's just plain creepy. It can feel like a violation of boundaries, especially if you don't know the person well. Plus, given the pandemic and the increased emphasis on hygiene, we all need to be extra careful.

Breaching Personal Space Bubble

Have you ever experienced a coworker or superior trying to brush your hair or smell your perfume? If so, it's important to recognize that this behavior can be considered sexual harassment. When someone crosses the line like this, it can leave you feeling uncomfortable, unsafe, and violated.

Suggestive Remarks

Imagine someone commenting on your body parts in a completely inappropriate and offensive way. If someone said, "That dress made your (body part) look bigger," "You must get hit on all the time with those (body part) of yours," or "You have a bigger (body part) than your friend," it’s classified as sexual harassment. Or suddenly they bring up their kinky preferences when it has nothing to do with the conversation. And if that wasn't bad enough, they might even show you inappropriate pictures or videos as a joke. If these things happened to you, you have every right to feel angry and disgusted by their behavior.

Cracking Nasty Jokes

Have you ever had that unsettling feeling that you’re being intentionally harassed whenever you walk by a group? It's not your imagination. They'll suddenly start spouting off lewd jokes and stories at an ear-piercing volume, all while shooting you those lecherous looks. And if that wasn't enough, they might even play music with sexual lyrics as soon as they spot you approaching.

Persistent Requests

If someone keeps trying to talk to you, repeatedly invites you to go out for a drink, or to take you out, or persistently requests your personal information, that’s already sexual harassment especially if you already showed you’re not interested. 

Altered Online Personality

If someone you know, a coworker or friend, is already in a committed relationship, but they pretend to be single and start flirting with you online, it's already a clear overstepping. And if their flirtatious behavior persists even after you've made it clear you're not interested, it's a blatant sexual harassment and disregard of personal boundaries.

Provoking Sexual Stories

Don't let their seemingly harmless small talk fool you because it could already be a form of sexual violation. If they start asking you uncomfortable and personal questions such as "Did you have your first kiss?", “What do you like most about your body?”, “What are your kinks?”, or "What do you like in bed?", it's not just chitchat anymore. It's a clear indication that they are disrespecting limits.

Appearance Compliments

Your coworker might come across as friendly and appreciative, but be warned: the moment they use words like "sexy," "hot," and "curvy", or make remarks about your appearance or body size, it's a form of sexual harassment. This kind of behavior can make you feel objectified, disrespected, and discriminated, creating an uncomfortable work environment.

Blocking or Cornering

If you're a fan of anime or kdramas, you've probably seen this romantic gesture before. But when someone tried it on me, I felt trapped and vulnerable. It's a tactic that can be used to assert dominance and control over you. I had to find a way to escape from the grasp of a wannabe prince, and if it happens to you, don't hesitate to give them a death glare.

Unwanted Escort

It's natural to feel uneasy about traveling home alone, which is why having a companion can provide a sense of comfort and security. But sometimes, it’s much safer to go alone than to reveal your home address to anyone, especially someone you don't fully know. And if this person insists on offering to take you home, even after you refuse, it's wise to be cautious, as they may be a potential stalker.

Sure, the scenarios I've shared could easily be brushed off as harmless pranks or playful gestures between friends. Even in today's day and age, I still come across suggestive comments and posts on my social media feeds as if it's a natural part of our culture. Here's something that needs to be said - just because some people are okay with certain actions, it doesn't mean everyone is. For those of you who have found yourself in similar situations and are unsure if you’re feeling of discomfort is valid, let me tell you - it absolutely is.

As responsible adults, it's our duty to educate children on what qualifies as sexual harassment and to provide a safe space for them to voice any concerns about inappropriate behaviors. It's equally important for us to teach kids about the significance of consent and boundaries, and to empower them to speak up if their boundaries are crossed. 

If you need any support, you may contact these three organizations for free: 

Sanggunian: Commission on Anti-Sexual Misconduct and Violence which aims to connect survivors of sexual and gender-based violence with resources they may require while also providing peer-level support. You can get in touch with them through Facebook, Twitter, or Gmail. 

The PNP Women and Children Protection Center (WCPC) handles cases of violence against women and children, and trafficking in persons has been assigned to a dedicated unit. Recently, they have launched the Aleng Pulis hotline to provide support via attentive listening and legal aid. You can get in touch with them through Facebook, Email, or at 0917-777-7377.

Likhaan Center for Women's Health Inc. is a non-governmental and non-profit organization was to address the demand of women for sexual and reproductive rights and health services. You can get in touch with them through Facebook, Email, or at (02) 926 6230.